Self-Affirmation

I could list a thousand things that I don't do right. I could dwell on the past. Fixate on my mistakes. My failings as a mother and as a wife. That's easy for me. Because I'm not afraid of admitting I'm wrong. I'm not afraid of judgement because I judge myself enough that no one else's judgements matter (except maybe my husband's, because after 11 years, how could he not matter?).

But just for one day. One day. In the spirit of Be Enough, maybe I can give myself a pat on the back. Maybe I deserve one every once in a while (from myself). Maybe just for one day, I can stop the self-flaggellation.

As a person who was taught not to brag on myself, this is more difficult for me than you could imagine, but I'm going to give it all I've got.

Here's my brag list for this week:

1. Even after being told that my son's behavior was that of a normal two-year old boy at the very first evaluation we ever got for him, I knew something wasn't right and I kept questioning until I got answers.
2. I've never been satisfied with the minimum for Squeaker. I've been his biggest advocate. I've had meetings that last over an hour and involved more than 6 people in order to get him what he needs.
3. I do the same for my students as I would do for my own children. I advocate and push for what they need, even when it costs me 5 hours of a work day, because I care that much. I don't avoid the harrowing meetings, even though I hate conflict, because I want what's best for my children (even the ones that I didn't give birth to).
4. I constantly monitor Big Guy's growth and development. I'm confident that I won't miss a beat if he begins to exhibit characteristics of ASD.
5. I continue to search for additional services and support for Squeaker. Note to self: I need to call and bug the people at The Arc tomorrow. I will not be ignored.
6. I love with my whole heart. The people in my life who earn my love and trust know it because I'm behind them 100%. Disagreements with people I love are approached with consideration.
7. Disagreements with people in general are usually approached with the same consideration as anyone else. I'm a lover, not a fighter.
8. I don't mince words. I am honest and I say what I mean. Some may consider this a bad thing (sometimes it is), but that also means that you can trust that I will not lie to you (I suck at lying).
9. While I may not always say the right thing, I always apologize when I'm wrong and own up to it. This is probably why, when people do me wrong, I care more about admission of wrong-doing than the actual apology.
10. My children always come first. Always. Even on days like today, where I had a splitting headache, I still tend to their needs above my own. As much as I want to lie down and rest, when I'm alone, I gotta keep on truckin'.
11. I'm not a quitter. When things get tough, I don't cut and run. I stick it out, and, although sometimes I falter, I keep trying. That's called perseverance. (There's your vocabulary word for the day)
12. Because of me, my son had brain surgery before his Chiari malformation caused any lasting damage. Had I not ever pushed for him to get that first MRI (JUST to make sure his brain was okay), we probably wouldn't have known anything was wrong until he started showing physical symptoms (due to his language delays). PS: I love my husband for always telling people that my neurotic parenting practices saved our son from unnecessary long-term suffering.

I will resist the urge to now give a competing list of faults. Humility be damned. Every once in a while, I get things right. Not everything about me is wrong.

"Because I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me!"

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